Who am I

who am i any more? i don't even know any more it so hard to tell the difference any more am i the Ex gang banger or am i The good son or better yet the heartless asshole all i know is that the fog is getting really heavy and thick quick. I feel so lost any more like i am going in circles the only thing that is keeping me to the grounded is my dear friend. This women is amazing and smart she has so much on her plate and yet she can still deal with the day to day bullshit and still have enough time to listen to me. I kind look up to this woman as a super hero she might not be bullet proof but that one thing she will never have to be as long as i am her friend. So who am i ? i don't know that really but one thing i do know is i am loyal and funny and honest if you wont it that way. I am rare breed of friend were if i say i am going to do something you better dam well believe it that i am going to do it and better yet if i say you can call on me at any time. You better take that to the bank be cause i will be there at 3am if you need me. I am The Good Son were i have never brought anything to my family front door .That means i have never brought danger,trouble,worry or uncomfort to my family and know i have had that in my life all day every day. Next to God my family is the world to me No one and I mean NO will ever mess with my family. i know i am not perfect but when i walk thou my family door way my sheets are white i have a smile on my face and the day is sunny and that all my family ever needs to know!. And last but not least my Past the Ex Gang banger Who broke ever morale code family has ever taught to me. I am the man that has had to throw clothes way because they have had the purves nights work on them i am the man who has lost so many in the undeclared war including a lover. But one thing i do know is i miss it more then anything i miss the gladiator with in me. The man who did care about life or death. Some days i think it would be so good to go back to the old ways and then i stop and remember a promise that i made and i look around and know if i went back that i would lose everything including my hero.. so i guess this is my life now .

Have I past you yet..

As sit here thinking of what you may look like and what you sound like..one thing scares me more then anything is what if you do not like me .yes i sound good one paper but what if you see me and you change your mind about me and walk past me with out a second thought? I don't even know you and I feel a closeness to you maybe you are the one I am searching for .I just hope I am the one your searching for . I pray that I am . I pray that I can for fill every thing for you and all I wont in return is your love .

One day

As I wait to hold you in my arms I can only think of what you would look like and I can only imagine what you sound like as you breath as you lay next to me. I bet your hair smells like fall or spring does in the morning. And I bet your eyes are hypnotic in such a way I can lose time in them as I stair at them. I bet you have a smile that is amazing and something everyone once to see at least once before they die because it is so beautiful that it must be seen. I know you are a dream of peace and I know when I see you I get that wonderful filling between nerves and told bliss. That point when you get those wonderful gross bumps That only come once in life time . I want that every morning when I see you.